Okay... I think this has been coming in a long run, and I feel I need to post this for people to understand, so all of you, my watchers, can know and feel how I work.

I have Asperger's Syndrome. I don't know if you know much about it, but here's the basic gist of it...

It makes me think and feel much different than what most people think. This includes talking, walking, and everyday normal activities. I have a very poor social reputation and I often do not know what the difference between right things to say and wrong things, except the most common.

I also cannot read "expressions" or "hints" as to what people want most/least. Meaning if someone is trying to tell me to bug off, I require it to be said directly to my face.

I often like to sit behind the computer and do things that I like... I don't really like hanging out with folks, except those who I am really close to. There are a few here and there that I will often ask for advice on because of their good social adaptability, though I think that they've done such a wonderful job, that they deserve some privacy.

This is basically based upon a repeating cycle once a month/few months. It starts out with me having a little bit of motivation, and trying to find something to get me going on... say, artwork. After getting a huge boost in morality and motivation, I get so high up on my royal throne that I often tend to "dismiss the cynics" and leave everyone for what I believe is best, becoming bull-headed and non-budging.

Then people who want to bring me reality come in and are actually trying to help me, I often reject them and attempt to point out their flaws, when I'm actually trying to make friendship with them. This is where I fall the most, and it sends me into a large depressive mood that lasts from a day to several days. It makes me regret almost having existed in some instances, where it's gotten that bad...

I tend to reflect my childhood experiences of wrongfulness in my current day situations, though it's been less and less as I'm getting older...

I often seek advice from my closest friends at this point on what to do, and they help me realize that these realism people are actually trying to help. One of them yesterday kept "beating me with a happy stick" (, you know who you are) to try and cheer me up... Most of the time, it does work... and then I often go out and say apologies to those I have been most antagonistic to.

This is a repeating cycle you'll often encounter with me, and so I thought I have to warn you about it.

I'm not proud of what I act like, and I know it's immature, but hey... I have to warn you all of something before we get too far ahead of ourselves...

All I ask is that you bear with me and don't hide your feelings about my actions. There are a few good people here who often do that with me here, and elsewhere. If they are willing to reveal themselves then they'll post here and I'll add their names to this journal.

Thanks for listening, and I hope you understand from an autistic stand point of view...